The times are a change-in! And now, more than ever, there are more questions.. How does this new freedom to choose affect us all?
The inaugural post is all about CHOICE. Now that everyone’s marriages are legal we all have the choice to design our own experiences and create wedding days that are a true expression of who we are as a couple. This choice has always been there but somehow the legal changes, to now include everyone, has provided us all with more empowerment to DESIGN what WE WANT. Today I will discuss a few of the areas in which many people don’t realize they have a choice!
On July 3rd 2014 my BF popped THE QUESTION. It was simple, perfect and totally unexpected. We were on the beach in Carmel far from our home in Dallas, sipping a warm beverage when he asked me. I think the saying goes.. always the bride’s maid and never the bride.. Well that is exactly what and who I was. I’ve planned upwards of 300 weddings and events yet have never made it down the isle. The romantic in me immediately said YES. The planner in me SCREAMED … OH SH*T.. time to get planning! For the record I do not recommend this but I just couldn’t help myself.
The uncanny part is while I was engaged, I was also working on developing the course that is launching in just a few weeks. I became the first WEDDING PLANNING UNZIPPED Beta client. You might be saying to yourself, “well if you’ve planned so many weddings and events it must have a been a cake walk”. In some ways yes and in some ways HELLZ NO! Planning and producing a wedding is one thing. Planning,producing and being the client is a whole other ball of WAX. The best part is I was able to test all of my teachings, as well as learn EXACTLY what it was like to be the nervous groom! We had 8 and half months to plan a wedding! Let the circus begin!
As two gay men, we had the two things to deal with. One, if we decided to get married where we currently live in Texas our marriage would not be recognized. As we know, that has now changed. The second, as two gay men, there is very little tradition to follow. We had the great pleasure of creating EXACTY what we wanted/ The super amazing thing about that, is that ANYONE has that choice. While taking tradition into account is important to consider, the CHOICE is yours as to how you want your big day to be.
The first big choice that any couple should make is what they collectively want their wedding day experience to be. For Derek and I we wanted something small, intimate, and fun. We wanted it to be performed in a state where our marriage would be recognized, a location that was modern and chic but warm, and it needed to be about our love for design, food and wine and above all about our commitment to each other’s and our families’ joining. For others it is about a giant Church Wedding with 200 or 300 of their family and friends where the focus is dancing the night away, an over the top dress, formal toasts, and hand engraved invitations. The great thing about allowing yourselves to choose and create is that you now have permission to make the day your own.
The second big choice is choosing roles! THIS can be the hardest part but clarity here will prepare you for all the steps to follow. Marriage is a beautiful thing and it requires not only a sense of faith but also the practicalities of building a life together. Planning your wedding is an exercise that creates a foundation that will paint a very clear picture of how your marriage will be. READ THAT LAST SENTENCE AGAIN. And both of you repeat it. Being aware of this will begin to set a solid and mutually respectful foundation. Ask yourself this question, “Do I want to be an active participant in my future” or “Do I want my future spouse or I to take the lead and the other just show up”. If you are reading this, my guess is you want to be a co-creator in your collective future. You both have a choice to make here, is your wedding about preparing your both for the journey of marriage or is it about throwing a big ass party where you get gifts and get to be the center of attention? This is not to say that one of you can’t take the lead. As with all things in life, one of you might have more of an interest but even then, it is important that you are making choices TOGETHER. Take it from someone who has seen the most amazing people turn into demanding, over the top “Bride/GroomZillas” screaming “THIS IS MY DAY. THIS IS WHAT IIIIIII WANT”. It’s time for you to choose what you want your marriage to look like.
What will your wedding day look like? What will your role be? It’s time to talk to your future spousal unit and find out, what’s happening in their head! Grab a bottle of wine, beer, or your favorite beverage, sit down and start talking. The only way you are ever going to know what’s going on in that pretty head of theirs is to ask.
Regardless if you have 3 months of 24 months to plan your wedding, there are many areas to traverses. A million questions to ask and almost as many choices. To help you get unbiased, personal coaching with support from an ever growing community of future brides and grooms, I created the 10 module self guided course and live interactive coaching called “Wedding Planning Unzipped”. In the training you will learn how to best plan every aspect of your wedding, learn when to do things yourself and when to look for a professional. You will have varying levels of support from me personally. And when you follow these guidelines, my promise to you, at the end you will have a wedding day that is filled with joy, love and memories that you and your friends and family will cherish forever. All of that WITHIN budget and as stress free as you will allow it to be.
As always if you have any questions, comments or just need to vent, head on over to our Public Face book page at www.facebook.com/zacliving360 . I look forward to seeing you on the inside.
